Of course, then there's the argument that if someone can't accept you for who you really are, then they aren't worth conversing with anyway. It is true that the friendships I have made with fellow spankos and kinksters have been more satisfying and freeing in many ways. I love not having to censor myself when I want to make a spanking reference or feel like being a little bratty. If they're not open to that, though, I tend to carry the opinion that it isn't really their business. This is a personal passion of mine, and they may not understand the depth of it. One close girlfriend of mine is in the know, but she dismisses it as me being a little kinky, and nothing more. And I'm kind of okay with leaving it at that. I wouldn't expect her to understand, for instance, that I crave a severe discipline spanking that has no sexual undertones. She's not wired that way.
I realize, too, that I may be missing out on some opportunities by keeping my spanko-hood a secret. Who knows how many of my past boyfriends would have stepped up to the plate if only I had been brave enough to let them know I wanted a hard spanking? Some of my college classmates may even feel similar desires, and have no one to talk with about them. Is it worth it to take a chance? It's hard to know. My ex-boyfriend of three years (Malignus) made me buy a shirt that said “Only OTK” on the front in bold, black letters (we are both hard wired spankos). His logic was that if I wore the shirt around campus, only spankos would recognize the abbreviation for “over the knee”. Even though I knew this, I was terrified to wear the shirt, and could only make myself go through with it a handful of times. No one ever approached me, but I did notice some stares at the logo. I wonder how many of them went home and googled it?
What do you guys think? When, if ever, is it worth it to come out? Perspective is needed. :-)
Awesome shirt. You should definitely wear it more often.
ReplyDeleteEve Howard had a post in her Shadowlane column a while back about telling people she met what she does. In her case I don't think it was about people she met everyday, more like fellow passengers on an airplane. The question she wound up with was, "How interesting do you want to be to people?".
ReplyDeleteI can't claim to have much experience coming out, except to my family. To them it was pretty much of a non-issue, as far as I could tell. Whether that was because they already had guessed or just weren't that interested in my sexual interests, I don't know. Still it was freeing for me to do that. A couple of my friends know, one because I took him to see Secretary and later talked about TTWD, another one just somehow must have intuited it, because I don't think I gave him any deliberate clues. There are still lots of people who don't know, though maybe some suspect. Like yourself, I'm ambivalent about advertising my interest too widely.
Interesting subject, Sophie. Age, lifestyle, location, and relationship status come to mind as conditions that would be relevant---aside from basic personality. I'm of an age where I organized a good chunk of my life around keeping my kinks to myself. It wasn't something people talked about. Never even thought to mention it to family and friends. Eventually, I got a girlfriend into it, and it was our little secret. Same with my wife. I don't look beyond my marriage, so no reason to tell friends and family, or advertise that I'm into it. Honestly, it would be extremely difficult to share it with anyone else. I feel it's just too personal, and that's probably because it always has been.
ReplyDeleteIf I was your age today, it might be a different story. I definitely would not keep it from any girlfriend. I'd probably know a lot more people into spanking because there are easy ways to meet them these days, especially living in certain places. That's probably where I'd limit it, though. I don't see any reason to share it with family and vanilla friends, and I'd only meet other spankos through special channels, not through normal, everyday social settings.
Spanking for me isn't a part of my persona unless it's within a spanking relationship, so I have no problem having two separate lives, so to speak.
I take it on a person-by-person basis. No one in my family knows, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. I have told a few vanilla friends over the years, and no one has been judgmental. However, there are times when I prefer to keep this to myself, as open as I am online. NOT because I'm in the least bit ashamed of being a spanko. But a lot of people don't understand, and I'd just as soon bypass the questions, the uncomfortable giggles, etc.
ReplyDeleteI would say trust and use your gut instincts regarding whom to tell, or not. I outed myself to a gym instructor/personal trainer several years ago, one whom I was convinced was a fellow spanko. Turns out he wasn't... but I still had a lot of fun with him over it! :-D
Over time, you get used to how to tell people in a way that they can accept...
ReplyDeleteYou are doing so well with this blog Sophie, it's really good writing! I'm proud of ya.
Sophie,
ReplyDeleteI'm like you, unlike I've never had to spank my life, I feel the problem has to tell me that I'm not loved.
Sophie my respects
Joel
Sophie it is difficult to know who is spanko in public pixie has it as a subject as you know ,what vids have you done lovey ,love and spanks ,tim xxx
ReplyDeleteMarvelous shirt!
ReplyDeleteComing out of the closet isn't always a good thing. People can be very judgemental with things like this. Sometimes it is better if you just keep it a " deep dirty secret."
grins
Dev[r]
Malignus-
ReplyDeleteYes, your opinion on that matter hasn't changed, has it? ;-) If I'm feeling brave, I just might.
Karl-
I love Eve's question. It's true that most people would probably see it as an interesting quirk if they were to find out. That's great that your friend could discover your interest through intuition- takes the pressure off of you!
Brett-
Very good point. The generation gap definitely comes into play with this issue. Now, it's so easy for people to hop online and meet people with similar kinks. There is still something to be said, though, for falling in love with a person and then introducing that kink in later. Hmm, maybe another post can disucss this more.
Erica-
I would definitely prefer to bypass those awkward moments. Although, if it appears someone may be more open to it- say, a good-looking fitness trainer- then it could pay off to make mention of it somehow. :-D
Danny-
Aw, thanks. I'm sure it does get easier over time, or at least easier to decide how you want to approach it.
Joel-
Thanks for stopping by!
Tim-
It is hard to spot a spanko, and Pixie covered the subject very well, as always. There will be more upcoming info about my spanking shoot very soon!
Dev[r]-
Glad you like it! There are several different versions of it sold online if you ever feel inclined to buy one. And yes, for many people TTWD will remain a dirty little secret. Nothing wrong with that.
AS far as shirts go, the one in the picture seems realativly safe. You can always you thought it was some sort of a sorority/fraternity and act surprised if someone points out another meaning.
ReplyDeleteOMG you have waaaay more guts than me for wearing the shirt out of the house!! That's awesome! *grin* I'm totally in the spanko closet too..I feel your pain. Only a few people I've dated seriously know..I admire the people who are more "out" but I can't imagine ever being that open with everyone. :D Love your blog, btw :)
ReplyDelete