It's one of the worst feelings. In the spanking world, it often comes into play as the reason behind a spanking, and catalyzes feelings of remorse and guilt for a submissive spankee. There is another type of disappointment that I have struggled with, though, that is even more difficult to deal with. It's the letdown of expectations; the knowledge that I will not be getting a promised spanking.
Any spankee out there can probably relate to the fact that it is sometimes really hard to ask for a spanking. I mean, I'm a spanko. Anyone with access to this information knows that I enjoy getting spanked. Part of the mindset for me, though, involves the Spanker initiating said spanking. When he is in complete control, I can find comfort in that. In fact, I find so much comfort in that that a promised spanking is very exciting to me, and something I think about somewhat obsessively until it happens. There are feelings of nervous anticipation (How hard will it be? Will I cry? I hope he doesn't use the wooden paddle) mixed with the excitement and security of knowing I will soon be melting into the intense pain and getting that release that comes with it. All of this builds up in my head to the point where I am prepared for it to happen, and on some level, kind of need it to happen in order to be satisfied.
If the spanking is then called off, that security turns to insecurity (Why doesn't he want to spank me anymore? Did I do something?). Don't get me wrong, I realize this is very irrational at times. Often, a spanking is called off because the Spanker is not feeling well, is exhausted, has something pressing to do, or simply forgot a trivial threat which I took more seriously. It doesn't matter; it is still a form of sub drop for me. Maybe because I crave the attention of a good spanking. The caring tone, the aftercare, the fuzzy feeling of being loved and looked after. I imagine all of that and then it vanishes just as quickly.
This post is a bit of a downer, I suppose, and this has not even happened to me very recently. But it's all part of my curiosity as I explore the spanking world more and more. If you're a spankee, have you experienced the disappointment of not receiving a spanking? How have you dealt with it? Is it safest not to have any expectations? And if you're a Spanker, do you ever notice this in your spankee? Is there a similar disappointment felt on the other side of things? Inquiring minds would like to know. :-)
**EDIT**This post is simply a topic for discussion and not a crisis occurring in my life. I've been receiving a few concerned messages. I am just fine. :-)
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This is a great topic! You describe the feelings perfectly. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this reaction :)
ReplyDeleteIt honestly doesn't seem to matter whether or not I'm aware of a logical reason for not getting an expected spanking. Regardless, I feel rejected, and that just sucks the built up hope and excitement right out of me and leaves me feeling empty and anxious. I've found this is especially true if the promised spanking was a punishment. In that case, the guilt bubbles up and clouds my entire world-view.
I've tried to keep myself from getting excited about an impending spanking, but I don't think this is possible. At least not for me! What I have found to work is this: when I feel especially let down, I try to remember that it's more submissive to accept his decision than it is to accept the spanking that I would prefer. If I can manage this, then I can hold on to the safety and comfort of knowing my place, and this seems to soothe my disappointment somewhat.
I'm a spanker, but not a Dom; I've never played at the level of intensity that causes subspace, risks sub drop, or requires after care. And, honestly, posts like this make me scared of that level of play! It's such a responsibility.
ReplyDeleteOf course, at everyday levels of interaction, we have expectations and are disappointed if they are not fulfilled. If someone says he'll get us a cup of coffee or give us a neck rub, and doesn't, we feel let down. Also, I think women are more sensitive to the nuances of social interaction than men, and feel both the ups and downs more acutely (and read more meaning into them).
But with that said, it's also probably true that spanking affects the spankee at a deeper, more intense level than the spanker, and that as spankers we may not "know our own strength," may not realize the level of influence we're having. That's true when we spank -- and I guess it's also true when we threaten, but then don't spank.
And it is scary to be told how profound an effect we're having with something that feels fun to us, but not deeply moving. I'm glad I don't play at that level.
Michael
Ellee-
ReplyDeleteThanks! I am glad you can relate.
Michael-
Yes, I can see how that could be considered scary, realizing the effect. But you are right, everyday disappointments do exist, and I suppose this is a heightened extension of that. I did not mean to make it sound like a trigger to depression, or anything so serious as that. I was simply posing it as a discussion. I do appreciate your comment. :-)
Sophie, you are absolutely not alone in this. There's a whole lot of giddy anticipation before a spanking session, and when it doesn't happen, all that adrenaline has no place to go. Plus, you feel the aforementioned letdown. It doesn't feel good at all. You know, logically, that it's not you, but it still feels blech.
ReplyDeleteIt's happened to all of us. I once got all geared up for a play session with a yummy top, and he called at zero hour and said he couldn't start his car. (sigh) What can you do? I told him it was OK, I took a few deep breaths, hollered a few cuss words into the air once I hung up, and soothed myself with something chocolate.
Spanking requires a good mood and a certain degree of alertness and focus for both top and bottom. Life has a way of interfering with that all too often. Oh, I've also had a top who'd come over to play, and end up falling asleep on my couch. Can you imagine? ;-)
Erica-
ReplyDeleteThe nerve of that Top, falling asleep on you! I like your strategy of eating chocolate, too. I will have to try that next time. :-)